Angelica.

I sent you a teka teki, but still hasn’t receive the reply yet. Ive been thinking, you know. Maybe you were right all along- that I like you because you were always there. Does this mean that I don’t like you anymore now that you’re always unavailable? I have been having countless of emotional breakdown. I started to take my meds more frequent again. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I.. I… I just have the feelings that you don’t care anymore. Somehow, you’ve lost interest in me. I might be wrong, I know. I might be overthinking things. Maybe, you were just busy. Maybe, you didn’t even hear what I say due to poor connection. 

Are you teaching me to get use to you not being available? HAHA can you even fathom the statement, because I really can’t. Are we practicing social distancing right now? I mean, would it hurt you that much to let me know that “hey I’m busy, ttyl” kind of thing. Or if you need space, why don’t you say so..? Why do you have to make it all difficult for me… Why do you keep on tormenting me like so. ‘Eventually, it won’t matter. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you would be smiling, ear to ear. And like a good dog, you will answer your master’ my evil inner voice said this to me. Lately it has been here a lot. I would like to name it Angelica, you know because it is not angelic, at all.

Wait, I need to change this blog template. It should be 'Dear H' or something since I am just using this blog to commemorate everything that I wanted to say to you here. I still remember how I used to contemplate on letting you know about the existence of this blog. I mean, I did told you about 'it'. But I referred ‘it’ as a book. But Im not lying. It started from a book. Then I just use this blog, because 1) I am a lazy bitch. I don’t want to write every single entry. I know handwritten things would be so much more sentimental, but I don’t really think you would appreciate that kind of things, and 2) the book got lost (and I found it again) for quite sometimes during pindah randah from Cyber to my home.