027- Umrah Classes

Okay so if you refer back to the last entry, I did mention about how I wanted to change, striving to be better. A better person, a better daughter, a better sister, better friend, and also a better Muslim. And alhamdulillah, Allah is All Knowing indeed.. He open my heart (and also my parents', because heck this is their money) to go to Umrah class, and sign up for Umrah. 

Okay so today, Rayhar Travel held an Umrah Kursus. Rayhar is a company that handles the Umrah, Haji and also holiday purposes to other foreign countries as well, but they focus more on Umrah and Haji since it is a religious thingy... And the price is very reasonable also. 

And the umrah classes held are free of charge. Means that even if youre not planning going to Mecca and Madinah, you just wanna know and learn on how to perform pilgrimage, you can just be here! It is so cool. But for me, it is a bit boring. Mommy dearest is so semangat, she even bought a pair of plain baju kurung just for these classes, saying that her work clothes are not appropriate. THEY ARE STILL BAJU KURUNG! 

I was a bit surprised to see one of my classmates is there too. But we are not that close thou. And to my surprise, he (and his family ofc) will also go to Umrah this year. Nooo. Luckily we are not on the same flight, nor the same date, nor same package. His mom works with my mommy btw. So they know each other as well. Dungun is indeed a small town. People know each other. Scarrrryyyyyy. 

The Rayhar Kursus ade 4 classes. Setiap Sabtu, 9:30 - 12:00 tengah hari laa. But this will be my first and my last class because next week and after that, I'll be in Kuala Lumpur or Vietnam. YEAY! But so sad, cannot join the classes anymore *NOT*. 

SEE YA! Stay away from drugs, kiddos! 

PSS: Happy one year old, bloggie! Good bloggie! 

026- Change. And stay that way..

*today's entry is about my life that no one else know. Let just say, the darkest side of mine.. 

I know that I used to make mistakes before. It was just, its not that I never try to change. But to keep it that way isnt that easy.

Hijrah itu mudah tapi istiqamah yang susah 

Literally translated, it will be "change yourself to better one is easy, the challenge lies when you need to maintain the changes. Which I would say it is not necessarily true. First of all, changing yourself is already hard. You used to live in that certain way of a lifestyle. And suddenly, you decided to take another route. It takes not only all the courage and determination that you have, it also requires a very strong mental and even stronger support system. 

Why would one say hijrah is easy? It is not easy. Trust me. But compared to maintaining it for a longer period, hijrah IS INDEED easy. Implying that staying better than your old self is wayy and wayy and wayy harder. Dont undermine people who is striving to be better. You dont fight their battle. You dont have their scars. All you see is how such a failure they appear. 

I really want to change. Its always there in my heart. 

I hope I did the right choice by ignoring you just now. If I keep on rely to you, I just afraid I cant live without you. Sorry =( 

Nah bunga ros untuk awak. 

025- Am I too sensitive....?

"patutnya kena buat bertiga, tapi ni aku sorang je yang buat! ape kes?!"

"Tak baik mengeluh....""MAMPUH LAAAA!!!" 

Mine is the red one btw.. What happened? What just going on? What what what what. With the Maclemore style! Oyeahhh! Let me just story mory to you guys what happened earlier and you guys judge it yourselves. 

"Hari Ahad depan, saya nak tengok board belakang ni dah penuh! Kalau tak, saya denda RM 20!" 

My class teacher, Cikgu Ong said that those who didnt do their job (finish the subject information at the back of the class) will be punished (have to pay RM 20!). And just now, my friend, Jane kinda complained about how she has to finished up her works on her own. Supposed, she and another two students. But then the others just act lepas tangan and peluk tubuh forced her to work alone. Her words like 

Patutnya kena buat bertiga, tapi ni aku sorang je yang buat! Ape kes?! 

And I was in my good mood said to her. With smile and joking mood. 

Tak baik mengeluh... 

All of sudden, she yelled at me! LOUDLY! 

MAPUH LAAAA! 

Mapuh laa means you can go die or FUCK YOU! I was so mad and sad! All this while, there is no one that I considered as my friends yelled at me! And you? HAHAHAHAHAH ! If I was wrong, correct me! If you dont like my advised, turn the deaf ears. I dont know why, I just kecik hati when you yelled at me. I was so shocked and surprise! 

Seriously, takde sorang pun kawan aku yang pernah tengking aku! And as far as I remember, aku tak pernah tengking kawan-kawan aku. Pernah, Ejo. Tu pun sebab dia tumpah kan air atas meja aku and habis semua buku-buku teks aku serta kertas-kertas dan buku latihan aku basah melecun! Bukan nya sebab ada geng aku nasihatkan aku and aku tak suka nasihat dia maka aku pun tengking dia. It doesnt work that way! Siapa mu nak tengking aku bagai? Amende dosa aku sangat dekat mu?! 

Kenapa tiba-tiba aku yang jadi sensitif ni? Ya Allah terkejutnya aku kena tengking dengan dia. Aku just bagi tahu dia "dok baik mengeluh" and tak semena-mena aku kena tengking?! Kalau ikutkan hati aku ni, nak je aku jawab balik, "Mende saloh aku sampai mu nok tengking-tengking aku?!" "Mu tu sapeee nok maroh-maroh aku?! " Tapi tahan je lah. Member kannnnn. -.- Kang kalau aku balas berlarutan pulak.. Nak menitik je air mata aku bila kena tengking gitu.. Aku ignore je dia and aku tengok kawan aku buat kerja. Dia ada jugak try to start conversation with me tapi aku layan tak layan je dia. Haha dia tak sedar kot yang apa dia buat tu betul-betul tinggal kesan dekat aku. Kang kalau aku layan dia, tak pepasal kene tengking balik. 

Adakah aku yang terlebih sensitive? YES! Sebab aku ada hati. 

Ps: Cakap siang pandang-pandang.. Cakap malam, dengar-dengar.. 

024- Pufftt.. NEXTTT!

Hello and Assalamualaikum. Okay I've been through the worst part of my life. Just read the latest entry (which Ive already deleted due to personal reason), I am not gonna tell it again. Apparently, I'm trying to forget these memories. For me, it is too painful to swallow it as a whole. Nahh I dont want to remember about it again. Today, I read what stated on my water bottle. 

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong. Sometimes it's letting go. Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in the dark room. S, if you see darkness in your life, certainly, there's a beautiful picture is being prepared by GOD. 

If you learn in Physics, Newton's Law Number 1, every action, there'll be reaction. My action, for example, brought phone to school. So the reaction I received from my dad is NO PHONE FOR 3 MONTHS! Pretty suck actually because I cannot have my phone during the Eid. Puft. 

The other action was, I made my discipline teacher kinda mad at me. So I have to take the responsibility. Yeah good girl here!  Tomorrow, I will settle everything~ Maybe because I dont know when I will go away. So, before I sleep for the rest of my life, I want to calm and peace. With no more big huge gigantic problems stuck inside my little tiny brain -.- 

Wish me luck for tomorrow. And we're going to have a new headmaster. Principal. And the rumor has it the new one is a lady.. I dont know weather it was considered as lucky of bad luck. I never had a lady as my principal before. New experience. The good side of it that the new principal dont know anything about my case. Quite surprising actually that not every student ( Form 4 )knew about what happened earlier. I thought that the news spread like atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki! 

Lucky as always I assume =) 

And another thing is that. I entered the Pertandingan Ulasan Novel BLINK dalam Bahasa Inggeris... Quite interesting.! If you wanna enter this competition, click here. 

I wrote a synopsis about Aku Mahu Popular! and this is my very own idea. 

I wanna be famous! But yeah, who doesn’t? Same goes to Farah Aryani(Farah)  and her best buddy, Syazrina(Ina) who madly want to be one of the famous girls in their famous high school, SM Seri Bangsar. They tried their best. Farah was like madly in love with the school athlete called, Fahrin while Ina had fall in love with the other athlete and the rich one in the school, Affin.
The girls try everything to stand as tall as The Wannababes, the most popular group in town. Ina and Farah even try to change their physical appearance, like doing weird things to their hair, replace Ina’s spectacles with eye contact lenses, buy branded stuff and even they came out with the idea of making Mathematic classes so that they can spend their time with their crush!
For all they know, their hard works didn’t repay them as much. Ina turned out to be the redheaded girl while Farah eventually burnt her pretty hair. The Wannababes felt threatened because of the sudden popular-appearances Ina and Farah. They checked Ina’s and Farah’s LV bags and found out that those bags were fake. They spread the leaflet about the fake materials and that made Ina and Farah felt very embarrassed. To have their revenge, Ina and Farah spread The Wanababes’s Mathematics marks and made The Wanababes stigmatized and the war is on!
 After the SPM result announced, it turned out to be Farah Aryani and Syazrina are one of the students who passed with the flying colours. Yeah they may not be famous just the way The Wanababes be, but they shined in their very own ways. While The Wanababes, after got their very-bad results, they flew out of the country so that they wont have to confront with the others.
From the story, what that I can conclude is we don’t have to be like others. Just be yourselves and you will shine bright better than anyone else. =)

Actually, I have this book. And this one is kinda stick in my life. Because this is the first Malay Novel that someone gave it to me. My grandpa. =) As my birthday present. I deadly in love with how Ain Maisarah elaborated her idea and booked it. =] Niceeeeeeeeeeeee.

023- What's next huh?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah hi wabarakatuh, my fellow readers. You know what, I'm having bad days recently. I dont think it can be any worse.. -.- Okay entry kali ni kita mix up the languages. Bahasa Melayu and English.. 

Haritu, (hari Rabu lepas) aku kena tangkap dengan cikgu Disiplin. Di saat kawan2 aku biasanya kena tangkap sebab date, aku kena tangkap sebab bawak telefon pergi sekolah. Okay honestly, it kinda not fair. Kalau cikgu Disiplin tu check setiap student di Aizek, hampir 3/4 students have phone in their pockets! Aku bukan lah memperlekehkan kredibiliti cikgu Disiplin tapi gitu laa. I felt very bad sebab aku dah janji dengan ayah aku yang aku takkan bawak phone pergi skolah. If he ask me why, I will answer like this. "sebab cikgu2 communicate dengan Dini through phone." Pada hari itu, aku terima 3 panggilan dari cikgu. Cikgu Ong. Beliau tanya kehadiran pelajar dalam kelas aku. Cikgu Jasli. Nak bincang pasal pergi tadika esok hari nya. Cikgu Rafidah. Tanye ramai tak orang yang tinggal dalam kelas sebab dia tak tahu nak masuk kelas ke tak. Zaman macam ni, phone is a basic need. -.- 

Lepas tu aku kena tangkap memberi tiru jawapan dalam exam dekat kawan-kawan aku. My God. Sape lah yang tak meniru dan memberi tiru dalam exam tu? Exam tu bapak susah engkau nyeee. Takpelah. Aku tak pernah rasa menyesal bagi jawapan dekat kawan-kawan aku. Heyyy orang tengah susah. Aku tolong. Aku ni takde lah kejam sangat. Kawan aku memang betul-betul tak dapat jawab soalan exam. Anyway, bukan lah aku yang terhegeh-hegeh nak bagi dia jawapan aku. =) Islam ajar kita berbuat baik sesama manusia kan. Tapi clearly, my mom doesnt really agree with my style. My mom memang mengamuk besar pasal ni. -.- Nanti aku sambung cerita.. 

Then, aku jugak didakwa kutuk cikgu dekat Twitter. Ya Allah. Aku bersumpah aku tak kutuk cikgu. That isnt really my way. Aku mengaku aku agak biadap dengan cikgu tu. Cikgu Yus, saya betul-betul mintak maaf.  Okay, pada hari phone aku kene rampas, aku tweet yang berbunyi .... 

Yus, jangan lah bukak-bukak phone aku =(

Then ade member aku yang lain tanya....

Bakpew? Kene rampas ke? 

Then aku jawab lahh.. 

Lebih kurang gitu laaaa =(

Dia pun tanya balik.. 

Ganew? iphonggg ke? 

Aku jawab laa... 

Aku gune.. Sekali cikgu Yus lalu, nampak, dia pun rampas laa. Ho. 

Dia dengan selambe, reply 

Yus nok gune iphone sekali sekaleeee.. 

Then aku jawab laa. 

Kalau dia nak guna, beli lah sendiri satu.. Aku nak yang aku punya balik.. 

Lepas tu, kawan aku tu boleh pulak jawab 

Nok beli dok mampu.. Dapat duit je gi makan. Tengok perut laa beso manee 

Aku terkejut gile bace tweet dia and aku jawab laa

Doseeeeeeeeeee laaa.. 

And dia jawab 

Sekali skale.. 

Lepas tu kitorang dah tak main tweet-tweet ni.. Aku sedar salah aku cuma lah tak panggil dia 'cikgu' pada permulaan tweet tu. Okay fine salah aku satu tu je! Lain-lain aku panggil dia cikgu! Tapi, cikgu Yus dah sebarkan dekat satu sekolah yang ada student kutuk perut dia and orang tu adalah aku! AKU! FARAH DINI BINTI HANAFI! Cikgu, jahat sangat ke saya ni dekat cikgu sampai cikgu nak sebar fitnah sebegini rupa? 

Pagi hari Khamis tu, aku tak tahu pun benda dekat Twitter ni di ambil berat oleh mana-mana pihak pun. Tapi rupanya dah heboh satu sekolah yang FARAH DINI kutuk cikgu Yus dekat Twitter. Everybody knows about it except me! Lepas habis sembahyang hajat, aku pergi dekat kelas dengan kawan-kawan aku.. Then Cikgu Sapawi datang

"Mana satu Farah Dini?"

"Saya.." aku pun angkat tangan lah..

"Mari sini kejap" Cikgu Sapawi suruh aku keluar kelas untuk jumpa dia kejap..

"Laaa awak laa Farah Dini...? Saye ade dengor cerite. Betulke?"

Aku ingat dia tengah cakap pasal cheat in exam tu! Aku tak tahu langsung pasal berita kutuk cikgu ni!

"Ye saya tahu saya salah..." Well aku mengakulah aku salah bagi orang tiru jawapan aku! Bukan kutuk cikgu!

"Bakpe awak buat gini? Kelas 4 Intan 1 ni... Haishhhhhh.." Then dia pun blah..

Lama tu baru aku tahu yang Cikgu Sapawi tu tengah cakap pasal aku kutuk cikgu dekat Twitter. Sumpah, aku malu sangat nak tengok muka setiap cikgu dalam sekolah aku! Aku tak kutuk cikgu! Aku tak buat! Tapi nama aku yang kene! Astaghfirullah hal azim. Seriously, memang aku takkan maafkan sape yang sebarkan fitnah pasal aku ni.. Even kalau orang tu adalah cikgu-cikgu, diorang buka aib aku! Diorang tabur fitnah pasal aku! Hilang respect aku dekat cikgu-cikgu.. Sebagaimana cikgu-cikgu hilang respect diorang terhadap aku..

Tak cukup dengan tu ......

Cikgu Yus ada cakap, ada sebilangan cikgu dekat sekolah aku yang terchenta nii bagitahu dia yang aku ni budak sombong. Budak gong! Bila aku cerita dekat kawan-kawan aku, diorang semua tak percaya. Aku tak tahu cikgu mane yang cilake sangat bagitahu aku sombong ni, tapi memang benda tu tak betul! Dengan janitors, aku senyum, bagi salam, bersembang. Dengan akak-akak kantin semua kenal aku sebab aku selalu dapat harga murah. Diorang bagi sebab aku mesra. Kalau kawan-kawan, aku sanggup balik pukul 4-5 petang sebab nak ajarkan Addmath kat diorang. Apetah lagi dengan cikgu-cikgu?! Nak menitik air mata aku bila dengar cikgu Yus kata aku ni sombong. Astaghfirullah hal azim..

Cikgu-cikgu sekalian, sudah-sudah lah buat cerita ni. Sudah-sudah lah buat fitnah. Hati aku dah terlampau sakit.. =(

Walaupun aku ni pelajar, doesnt mean aku ni takde feeling.. Bawak telefon memang salah aku. Bagi kawan tiru memang salah aku. Tapi yang lain tu tak! =(

Ya Allah, bagi lah aku kekuatan, ketabahan dan lembutkan lah hati setiap orang ya Allah... Aku dah memang pasrah je sekarang.. 

022- Exams..

Oh my God! Finally tomorrow is the mid year exam! Holy shit! I feel like the time passed by soooooo fast. Here is the schedule. 

The one marked with purple color is the critical subject.. Huhu

I dont know what I have been doing until now but I dont think that I can perform well. -.- And all I ever said is "GOD I NEED MORE TIME!" but here I am updating my blog like I have plenty of time. Oh fuck everything and copy paste the others tomorrow =) 

Wish me luck guys. Really need it though. 

021- There's nothing...

Hello. How are you guys doing.. Me not so great... Lately, I just cant see any goods in others. All they do just piss me off. All I touch turned to shit. I tried. I tries to be as optimistic as I can be. But somehow, I always failed. People have funny way of slapping me so hard on the face, showing me the ugly truth about every good things that I thought I have. 

I guess I have been more depressed wayyy longer than I thought. And way worse than I imagine. But people wont take me seriously if I said I have depression isnt.. It is just not normal for a 16 year old girl to have nasty thoughts of killing herself. It is not normal for a 16 year old to be so desperate to let everything go.. to just stop trying. 

Actually, that is what I really need. For it to stop. I need the time to stop ticking- it feels like an endless race. I need people to stop judging. I need them to stop laughing. I need my heart to stop aching so much. I need my eyes to stop crying every single day. I need my mind to stop thinking nonsense and harmful shit. 

I need the hurt to stop-- it is just too painful for me to take everything in.. Please, someone, make it stop... 

020- If you can, why cant I

Is it my fault? Is it my fault that everything turns upside down like right now? If anyone else be in my shoes, confront with the problems and thoughts I have to handle, will they still manage to smile like the way I did? Even though it is so hurt that can crush all their heart, will they still laughed the way I did?  

Anyone, takes my shoes! I beg youu! I'm just so tired. Too tired. Or is it just me who took it heavily? Maybe I should be like you. Take everything as a joke and never serious. If you can, why cant I? Or maybe be a tempered person when someone try to correct my wrongdoings? If you can, why cant I? Or maybe just let everyone else do your work and you just can have you beautiful sleep? If you can, why cant I? Or just give anyone a call saying that you cant make it to a meeting and makes the other feels like you dummies?  If you can, why cant I? Or just trust the others agree  with your action without arguing anything?  If you can, why cant I? Or I can make up excuses, many of them to escape myself from doing a lot of works?  If you can, why cant I? 

Please laa. I can make things worse. Or maybe worst!  If you can, why cant I? Reconsider every step you take, will you? Because as for me, everything that you do now, brings nothing but misery in my life. I dont give a fuck weather you came from Saudi Arabia and the other teachers care about you or what not. I dont care. I just really dont want to hurt your feeling. It isnt my style actually. But since you are toooo much over the line, I just cant help it. Heyy you hurt my feeling badly,  If you can, why cant I? I dont also give a fuck weather each pupil in our school had crushed on you or whatever, because for me, I can see nothing but your whole bad side. 

I had to clean 2kg of squids so that I can make it to our meeting this evening. 2kilogram! Thats the deal. And you? Why you cant make some effort, sweetie? I was soo disappointed. 

Well, enjoy your life. Idup ambe. young, wild and free~ isnt it.  If you can, why cant I?

019- Shittiest day.

Okay I have to write this in Malay because I think that there will be a lot of people going to read this entry somehow. And I just afraid that they may come up with the different idea rather than the one I want to let them know.

Okay how can I start this? Canni, aku dekat sekolah, aku duduk dengan Aziey and Ain. Sorry laa memang direct je terus sebab aku tak perlu lah nak tutup lagi aib korang sebab korang dah bawak berita yang mengarut and makin lama makin bawak busuk nama aku je. Aziey and Ain ni memang lah famous dengan banyak mulutnyaa. Seriously, if they werent talking, they were sleeping. Kind of their daily routine already =) Pelajar contoh..

One fine sunny day, hari Selasa. Sebelum rehat ada satu mase, masa Sejarah. Cikgu Ghanami yang ajar. Cikgu Ghanami ni memang lah famous dengan putar belit nya. Its not that he is ridiculous cuma cara dia nak sampaikan ilmu tu berputar belit sikit sebelum di sampai ke main point tu. But I can assure you, kalau korang focu gila-gila dalam kelas dia, tak akan timbul masalah.

Masa Sejarah tu, bukan main laa Ain and Aziey ni keluarkan sudu and garfu dia. Konon nak bagi isyarat dekat cikgu masa rehat dah dekat. Ketung ketang ketung ketang bunyik sudu berselisih dengan garfu. Tak cukup dengan ketung ketang tu, dia sibukkk bercakap tak akan pernah jumpa titik noktah. Macam-macam cerita laa. Korean laa, about this guy laa ape laa. And aku memang ada niat nak focus dengan apa yang cikgu ajar, tapi in the same time, aku buat kertas Addmath. Its not that aku tak siap kerja rumah okay. Kertas tu cikgu nak pungut hari Khamis. Meanwhile dengar apa yang Cikgu Ghanami cakap, aku try buat addmath beberapa soalan.

"Dini, deras laa kabo ke cikgu rehat doh ni.." Baru pukul 10:45 padahal rehat pukul 11. Aku buat tak layan dulu. "Dini, rehat doh ni deras laa aku lapo dohh" sambil gesek2 dekat bahu aku. Then aku pun cakap laa "Boleh dok kalau mu try focus je sikit mende hok cikgu ajor?" Aku jawab.. Then Aziey seems a little bit shock with my reaction and she told Ain. Ain dengan selamba perli aku. "Doh dia tu buat Addmath!"

Aku nak tegas kan dekat sini okay. Even aku buat addmath masa Sejarah, Sejarah aku A. Even A-, A jugak. Aziey? GAGAL! Still tak faham2 lagi ke? Dulu bukan main depressed laa ape laaa sampai menangis-nangis dapat tahu Sejarah dia GAGAL. Haha acane tak gagal? *jahat kan?

Then cikgu lepas rehat. And lepas dari tu, kitorang memang tak rapat sangat laa. Tak boleh orang tegur sikit. Melenting. Ni lah namanya bodoh sombong ye kawan-kawan =)

Keesokan hari nya, hari Rabu. Ada masa Biology. So kitorang masuk Lab. Aku memang duduk semeja dengan Aziey and Ain. Yeah its sooo fucking annoying. Kalau aku tahu, aku pindah. Eh noo! Hell no! I shouldnt move. Sebab aku sampai lab Bio tu awal dari diorang. Correction, TERAWAL. Ehhhhhhh dia pun letak barang2 dia tepi aku. So, kalau kau dua orang tak selesa dengan aku, kau laa yang kene angkat jubo kau dan bukannya aku.. =) Cantek bahasa..

Masa Biology, it is sooo amazing that I can catch up with the teacher sooo good! Biology aku fail. Fine I admit it. Tapi aku try nak belajar on that moment. Tapi Ain and Aziey seems to ignore the teacher in front and keep talking. Pasal nak buat lawatan pergi Gambang laa. Nak tukar tudung sebab tudung tak menjadik laa. This really pissed me of! Sakit sangattt hati aku, Tuhan je yang tahu. Then, dekat meja Lab, ada satu lapisan dekat kaki, kalau korang tendang akan hasilkan bunyi yang sangat kuat and annoying. Ain tendang meja tu so berbuyi laa. Maybe untuk lepas kan boring dia. Lepas tu aku just tengokk je dekat Ain. Lepas tu dia tendang lagi sekali. Aku jeling. And aku tak sangka Aziey akan cakap "Sikit2 jeling, sikit2 jeling, mu ingat lekat aa ilmu mu kalau mu jeling2 gitu?!" Aku just tengok buku teks and pretend that I never heard it. "Dok sedo diri Bio tu fail!" Ayat Ain. AMBOI! EH DIA DUA EKO TU PUN E JEEEE! LULUS ATAS TONG TAIK!

Aku just ketap bibir tahan sabar. Serious, tangan aku memang sejukk and menggeletar kes tahan sabar.. Then cikgu tanya "Sape yang faham apa yang saya ajar?" HAH NI LAA MASA AKU NAK KENE KAN DIORANG BALIK! "AZIEY CIKGU!" Aziey terkejut. Ain terkejut. Cikgu terkejut. Semua terkejut. "mende ahuu dini ehh bolokk" Aziey seems to deny it. "CIKGU, AZIEY DENGAN AIN DARI PADA TADI DOK BERHENTI-HENTI BERCAKAP! POT PET POT PET!" Aku dengan suara lantanggggggg nya bercakap. Terkejut kan?

Cikgu pun datang kat meja kitorang. "Mana satu Aziey, mana satu Ain?" And diorang dua orang tu senyap jee pandang buku teks.. "SAYA TANYA MANA SATU AZIEY, MANA SATU AIN?!" Nada cikgu tu tetibe berubah. Agak tinggi. Then Aziey and Ain angkat muka diorang. "Betul awak bercakap masa saya mengajar tadi?!" Cikgu tanya Aziey. And Aziey dengan selamba jawab "Dok cikgu, kite catat" FUCK THAT SHIT! CATAT HAPE NYE KALAU BUKU TEKS TU BERSIH, SIAP SALAH MUKA SURAT! Nampak sangat kan diorang tak tahu cikgu ngajar kat mane, bab berapa.

"Ouhh ye! Catat sungguh! Pasal lawatan gi Gambang laaa, nok tukar tudung laaa, ni laa tu laaa! Weh, aku sedo Bio aku fail! And aku dok tahu laa kalau mu tuu A++++ doh Biology. Tapi aku try nok belajo ni, so please?!" Aku try kawal tone aku sebab cikgu ade betul2 dekat meja kitorang. Aku taknak dicop pelajar kurang ajar. Cikgu tanya Fatini and Hidayah. Diorang dua orang ade sekali dalam meja tu. Konon jadi saksi laa. "Fatini, betul ke diorang bercakap?" Hidayah cuba nak tukar topik then dia ambik pensel and konon nak ambik nota. Cikgu pegang tangan dia, tanya lagi "Saya tanya ni, betul diorang bercakap?" Then slow2 diorang jawab ye. "Jadi memang betul laa awak bercakap?!" Ain and Aziey senyap jee.

"Saya betul2 kesal bende ni jadi. Saya tak nak bende ni berulang lagi. Sekarang tiga-tiga bangun dan salam. Lepas tu peluk" Ya Allah, seriously, masa tu aku rasa aku rela peluk cikgu dari peluk dua eko tu. Tapi for the teacher's sake, aku salam and peluk je. Memang kitorang tak ikhlas langsung..

Lepas tu and sampai sekarang, kitorang sangatttt dingin. Aku paling tak tahan bila ramaii orang sibuk nak jadi busybody nak jadi hero. Please, mind your own business. Kau takk tahu apa yang jadi sebenarnya. Aku tak tahu apa yang Aziey dah bagitahu. Tapi ni lah apa yang jadi. Demi Allah. Depan Al-Quran aku sanggup bersumpah tak ada yang kurang dan tak ada yang lebih.

Aku  just nak tanya satu benda, kalau kau jadi aku, apa yang kau buat? Aku lagi sayangkan masa depan aku dari kawan yang macam Aziey and Ain yang kelihatan memang takde mood nak belajar =)

Renung2kan sendiri. Bayangkan aku itu ialah kau.

018- Lonesome

Today, I just thought that this will be the worst day ever in my whole life. I used to being asked by someone back then, I dont even remember who, "Do you ever feel alone even in crowds?" And I'm like, Duhh never! My friends will always be there beside me.

But then, today, I feel it. Not just today. It is more like recently. My friends, they dumped me. They ignored me. They could ever treat me like I never exist. Worse come to worst, my bestfriend, used to be I guess, will move to another school in days and she was like "who is she? I never known her.."

I dont know if it is just me that being too emotional or maybe too harsh with others but hey, they should except me for who I am. Not for who they need me to be. Please, friends, I need you now. Now or never. Because, I'm starting to feel that I dont need you guys the same as you guys dont need me anymore. =( And believe me, its hurt inside me. Please remove the pain. I dont need this.

017- Le Classghomm. cgheepi much.

So we have been in this classroom for a week now. And you wont believe who is appointed as our classleader. Izzat! yeahhh at least he is from IBS and he is one of a few familiar faces in my class. My class is super duper horrible! Not only that it is soo tiny, it has to accommodate about 30 students. Just to make it even more yuck, it is so dark. Because our windows are blocked by these trees. Can you imagine studying in a can of sardine type of class and got no light in... Hello endless sleep! 

Did I say that I am the one who is responsible for the keceriaan. I just dont have the idea to decorate my class to be more cheery. =(  I'm quite creative *usually. But this time, I'm totally lack of idea~ The class is gloomy and very dark. Makes me feel hopeless to design it. 

The moment Fitri look at me and giggle, I hate him..! It makes me feel awwwwkkkkkwwwaaarrrdddddd.

Till then!

016- Orientation

Today we went through orientation day.. It is kinda weird for me because a) we have to study first and then only we will have our orientation, and b) why tf I need an orientation at my own damn school?! I've been here for 3 years now.  And, it is no fun kind of orientation. 

I miss my Form 1 orientation. The moment when we all had our sukaneka. It was very fun! We'll have to find candies inside bowls full with flour. Then, tak kenal maka tak cinta session. But unfortunately, the session had to be cancelled on the last minute. I dont need the session since I already knew about Aizek.

And people starts to go away... I mean, it is good that they are moving forward. They went for their own SBPS and MRSMs. Two of them went to SMAPs. 2014 is going to be a whole new year. I left IBS and went to join Intan instead. New group of classmates, new faces, new environment. For better or for worse right... 

015- So long...

Sorry for not blogging for quite long time. New year, new form, new environment, old school. Hehh 

Hey I would like to make an announcement here. Since my English isnt that powerful, I will now writing my entry in English. Not full English but I will try my best. And its not a sin to make my English stronger. New look for 2013. I just hoping that 2013 will be better than 2012. But it seems like no. Hell no. Now I'm in a serious dilemma and I feel like my head will be booommmm like bomb one day. 

Why is life sooo complicated? Huh. Again, I told myself, I just need to smile and everything will be back like the way it was before. Idayu, are you forgetting me there? =) Naahh I'm just joking. Oh yeah, forget to add. Idayu already leaving us.. She is now a student in Kesuma, Semenyih, Selangor. Her father just being posted that late last year.. 

Just like what he said, maybe it is the time I need to reduce my friends. For my own reason. zzZZ. Who will eventually care actually? Okay I have Addmath (I really like the subject btw) and English 119 to go. Goodnight.