026- Change. And stay that way..

*today's entry is about my life that no one else know. Let just say, the darkest side of mine.. 

I know that I used to make mistakes before. It was just, its not that I never try to change. But to keep it that way isnt that easy.

Hijrah itu mudah tapi istiqamah yang susah 

Literally translated, it will be "change yourself to better one is easy, the challenge lies when you need to maintain the changes. Which I would say it is not necessarily true. First of all, changing yourself is already hard. You used to live in that certain way of a lifestyle. And suddenly, you decided to take another route. It takes not only all the courage and determination that you have, it also requires a very strong mental and even stronger support system. 

Why would one say hijrah is easy? It is not easy. Trust me. But compared to maintaining it for a longer period, hijrah IS INDEED easy. Implying that staying better than your old self is wayy and wayy and wayy harder. Dont undermine people who is striving to be better. You dont fight their battle. You dont have their scars. All you see is how such a failure they appear. 

I really want to change. Its always there in my heart. 

I hope I did the right choice by ignoring you just now. If I keep on rely to you, I just afraid I cant live without you. Sorry =( 

Nah bunga ros untuk awak. 

025- Am I too sensitive....?

"patutnya kena buat bertiga, tapi ni aku sorang je yang buat! ape kes?!"

"Tak baik mengeluh....""MAMPUH LAAAA!!!" 

Mine is the red one btw.. What happened? What just going on? What what what what. With the Maclemore style! Oyeahhh! Let me just story mory to you guys what happened earlier and you guys judge it yourselves. 

"Hari Ahad depan, saya nak tengok board belakang ni dah penuh! Kalau tak, saya denda RM 20!" 

My class teacher, Cikgu Ong said that those who didnt do their job (finish the subject information at the back of the class) will be punished (have to pay RM 20!). And just now, my friend, Jane kinda complained about how she has to finished up her works on her own. Supposed, she and another two students. But then the others just act lepas tangan and peluk tubuh forced her to work alone. Her words like 

Patutnya kena buat bertiga, tapi ni aku sorang je yang buat! Ape kes?! 

And I was in my good mood said to her. With smile and joking mood. 

Tak baik mengeluh... 

All of sudden, she yelled at me! LOUDLY! 

MAPUH LAAAA! 

Mapuh laa means you can go die or FUCK YOU! I was so mad and sad! All this while, there is no one that I considered as my friends yelled at me! And you? HAHAHAHAHAH ! If I was wrong, correct me! If you dont like my advised, turn the deaf ears. I dont know why, I just kecik hati when you yelled at me. I was so shocked and surprise! 

Seriously, takde sorang pun kawan aku yang pernah tengking aku! And as far as I remember, aku tak pernah tengking kawan-kawan aku. Pernah, Ejo. Tu pun sebab dia tumpah kan air atas meja aku and habis semua buku-buku teks aku serta kertas-kertas dan buku latihan aku basah melecun! Bukan nya sebab ada geng aku nasihatkan aku and aku tak suka nasihat dia maka aku pun tengking dia. It doesnt work that way! Siapa mu nak tengking aku bagai? Amende dosa aku sangat dekat mu?! 

Kenapa tiba-tiba aku yang jadi sensitif ni? Ya Allah terkejutnya aku kena tengking dengan dia. Aku just bagi tahu dia "dok baik mengeluh" and tak semena-mena aku kena tengking?! Kalau ikutkan hati aku ni, nak je aku jawab balik, "Mende saloh aku sampai mu nok tengking-tengking aku?!" "Mu tu sapeee nok maroh-maroh aku?! " Tapi tahan je lah. Member kannnnn. -.- Kang kalau aku balas berlarutan pulak.. Nak menitik je air mata aku bila kena tengking gitu.. Aku ignore je dia and aku tengok kawan aku buat kerja. Dia ada jugak try to start conversation with me tapi aku layan tak layan je dia. Haha dia tak sedar kot yang apa dia buat tu betul-betul tinggal kesan dekat aku. Kang kalau aku layan dia, tak pepasal kene tengking balik. 

Adakah aku yang terlebih sensitive? YES! Sebab aku ada hati. 

Ps: Cakap siang pandang-pandang.. Cakap malam, dengar-dengar.. 

024- Pufftt.. NEXTTT!

Hello and Assalamualaikum. Okay I've been through the worst part of my life. Just read the latest entry (which Ive already deleted due to personal reason), I am not gonna tell it again. Apparently, I'm trying to forget these memories. For me, it is too painful to swallow it as a whole. Nahh I dont want to remember about it again. Today, I read what stated on my water bottle. 

Some think it's holding on that makes one strong. Sometimes it's letting go. Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in the dark room. S, if you see darkness in your life, certainly, there's a beautiful picture is being prepared by GOD. 

If you learn in Physics, Newton's Law Number 1, every action, there'll be reaction. My action, for example, brought phone to school. So the reaction I received from my dad is NO PHONE FOR 3 MONTHS! Pretty suck actually because I cannot have my phone during the Eid. Puft. 

The other action was, I made my discipline teacher kinda mad at me. So I have to take the responsibility. Yeah good girl here!  Tomorrow, I will settle everything~ Maybe because I dont know when I will go away. So, before I sleep for the rest of my life, I want to calm and peace. With no more big huge gigantic problems stuck inside my little tiny brain -.- 

Wish me luck for tomorrow. And we're going to have a new headmaster. Principal. And the rumor has it the new one is a lady.. I dont know weather it was considered as lucky of bad luck. I never had a lady as my principal before. New experience. The good side of it that the new principal dont know anything about my case. Quite surprising actually that not every student ( Form 4 )knew about what happened earlier. I thought that the news spread like atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki! 

Lucky as always I assume =) 

And another thing is that. I entered the Pertandingan Ulasan Novel BLINK dalam Bahasa Inggeris... Quite interesting.! If you wanna enter this competition, click here. 

I wrote a synopsis about Aku Mahu Popular! and this is my very own idea. 

I wanna be famous! But yeah, who doesn’t? Same goes to Farah Aryani(Farah)  and her best buddy, Syazrina(Ina) who madly want to be one of the famous girls in their famous high school, SM Seri Bangsar. They tried their best. Farah was like madly in love with the school athlete called, Fahrin while Ina had fall in love with the other athlete and the rich one in the school, Affin.
The girls try everything to stand as tall as The Wannababes, the most popular group in town. Ina and Farah even try to change their physical appearance, like doing weird things to their hair, replace Ina’s spectacles with eye contact lenses, buy branded stuff and even they came out with the idea of making Mathematic classes so that they can spend their time with their crush!
For all they know, their hard works didn’t repay them as much. Ina turned out to be the redheaded girl while Farah eventually burnt her pretty hair. The Wannababes felt threatened because of the sudden popular-appearances Ina and Farah. They checked Ina’s and Farah’s LV bags and found out that those bags were fake. They spread the leaflet about the fake materials and that made Ina and Farah felt very embarrassed. To have their revenge, Ina and Farah spread The Wanababes’s Mathematics marks and made The Wanababes stigmatized and the war is on!
 After the SPM result announced, it turned out to be Farah Aryani and Syazrina are one of the students who passed with the flying colours. Yeah they may not be famous just the way The Wanababes be, but they shined in their very own ways. While The Wanababes, after got their very-bad results, they flew out of the country so that they wont have to confront with the others.
From the story, what that I can conclude is we don’t have to be like others. Just be yourselves and you will shine bright better than anyone else. =)

Actually, I have this book. And this one is kinda stick in my life. Because this is the first Malay Novel that someone gave it to me. My grandpa. =) As my birthday present. I deadly in love with how Ain Maisarah elaborated her idea and booked it. =] Niceeeeeeeeeeeee.